I Love My Boobs

I do. I so love my boobs today. Normally I hate them, because they always get in the way. But today I love them. They are so large and luscious.

Short Attention Span

Gahh. So I'm sitting watching Jeopardy today, and I suddenly realize, I've never read A Midsummer Night's Dream. Yeah. So now I'm reading it. But I'm also reading Death Note, and Stalking Darkness by Lynn Flewelling. But I'm gonna limit it to three. For realz. I will only read three books at a time. I will rotate, to make sure I give them all equal time. A chapter of one, a scene of another, then another chapter, rinse and repeat.

The thing is, there's a character in Midsummer Night's Dream named Lysander, and a character in Stalking Darkness named Nysander. Coincidence? Probably. But maybe it is fate, or something, and one of the books will explode (book most likely to explode is fourth volume of Death Note) and Seregil will pop out and we'll have all sorts of adventures. Also a Lion is there.

Fatty Fatty Fatty

Last night, it's like one in the morning, and I'm bored. Normally X Files is on Sci Fi, but they're doing this Battlestar thing, so no go on that. What to watch, then? I decide that I will watch whatever shitty movie is on Lifetime Movie Network. Fun, right? The movie was heinous. Bad acting, bad writing, bad hair. I giggled.

But the commercials. Oh my fucking god. Weight loss pill. Special K protein water. Slimming elastic corset thing. Weight loss pill. What the fuck? Isn't Lifetime all about helping women? I remember at least two Lifetime movies about the dangers of anorexia and poor body image. I'm sure there are more. So why the hell would they air these craptastic ads telling women they're pieces of shit unless they have washboard ribs?

Lifetime needs to stop this shit. Seriously. I'm totally going to write to them. I'll try to be nice.

Huh.

I haven't written in a while. This may be because no one reads it anyway. But it's nice to get my words out there on the tubes, just in case someone does care.

Anywho, it's getting warmer out. I'm so happy about that. I freaking hate winter. But soon it'll be summer, and I'll be complaining about how much I hate that. I'm so full of hate. Especially for the box elder bugs that are all over the place now. I keep having to chuck them outside. Because of course I can't kill them. I'd never do that to Gregor! (All the bugs I find are named Gregor.)

So yeah. I should probably be doing something productive right now. Like finding a job. Meh. It's too nice out. I'm gonna sit in my room and stare out the window at the nice day.

“10 Questions that Every Intelligent Christian Must Answer”

Video.

I am not a Christian. I do not have a college degree. I do not even have a job. But I do consider myself to be intelligent. I am sick of these atheist assholes trying to tell me that anyone who believes in a higher power is an idiot. Yeah, I’m lookin at you, Dawkins. Anyway, here’s my response to a video I found on YouTube.

1. Why won’t god heal amputees?
First, I want to ask this question: How many amputees actually pray for their missing limbs to be replaced? This whole argument seems to be based on the fact that people are praying for a cure to their illness or affliction. But how many people, having lost a limb, pray to god to have it regrown? And if they do pray to have their limb returned, who’s to say they didn’t receive a prosthetic limb, giving them back the life they thought they’d lost?

God can kill the cancerous cells in your body, or destroy the virus eating away at your brain, but he can’t regrow your limb. Why not? Because god did not make the human body that way. Humans can’t regrow limbs on their own, and god can’t do anything for a human that humans can’t do on their own. It is possible for humans to overcome serious illnesses, because god created humans to be resilient. But regrowing limbs is something humans can’t do, even with the help of god.

2. Why are there starving children?
Just praying for suffering to end will do no good. God gave us free will for a reason. If you pray, and take no action, of course nothing will happen. You have to do something yourself; god won’t do it all for you. It’s like this story:

A man prays to God to win the lottery. He prays and prays, and God says, "Okay, you shall win the lottery." The man is ecstatic, and waits in anticipation for the day the winning number is announced. The day arrives, and he doesn't win. He says to God, "Why? You said I would win!" And God replies, "You have to buy the ticket yourself."

3. Why does god demand the deaths of so many innocent people?
God did not write the Bible himself. He did not reach down out of the heavens and write it all down. Men have been in charge of transcribing god’s word, and translating it. Over the years, they have changed it to suit their own needs, personal and political. This by no means nullifies the entire Bible. It just means that these certain passages, which we know in our hearts to be wrong, are not part of the true message of the Bible.

4. Why does the Bible contain so much anti-scientific nonsense?
Religion was created to explain how things work, before humans really had science. It filled in the holes left in science when we didn’t have the capabilities to understand the world. The stories in the Bible are not anti-scientific; they are pre-knowledge. They are the stories people had before they knew how things really worked.

Also, a lot of the stories in the Bible are just that: stories. They are parables, like Aesop’s fables, not meant to be taken literally, but instead meant to convey a message.

5. Why is god such a huge proponent of slavery in the Bible?
See my answer to number three.

6. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The simple answer to this is that the devil is responsible. Even if you don’t believe in the devil, you most likely believe that there is evil in the world. God gave humans free will, and in doing so gave them the ability to do evil.

Then why do natural disasters occur? Those aren’t the work of evil humans. The answer is that the world is not god. The world we live in is impartial and insensitive to our suffering. God made the world this way. But when our house burns down, or when an accident claims one of our friends, god is there to support us.

7. Why didn’t any of Jesus’ miracles in the Bible leave behind any evidence?
How many of his miracles were of the kind that could leave behind evidence? He cast the demons out of a girl. He walked on water. He rose from the grave. None of these things could really leave behind any archaeological evidence, could they? And even if they could, it’s been two thousand years, and a lot of stuff just disappears after so much time. Not many archaeologists hope to find all those miraculous fish and loaves of bread.

8. How do we explain the fact that Jesus has never appeared to you?
How do you know he hasn’t? I’m just going to leave it at that.

9. Why would Jesus want you to eat his body and drink his blood?
It does seem strange, considering the Bible tells you not to drink blood. But the communion is not actually flesh and blood. The bread and wine symbolically represent Jesus’ flesh and blood, because Jesus was taken into heaven, and there is no way for us to really partake of his body.

10. Why do Christians get divorced at the same rate as non-Christians?
Because of Henry VIII.

But in all seriousness, Christians are only human. They have the same issues everyone else does. Just because they’ve asked god to bless their marriage does not mean it is going to work out. If the marriage just was not meant to be, there is nothing god can do about it.

---

There it is. My logical answers to the asshole’s questions. I wonder if he’s ever really thought about those questions either, or if he’s just working form the assumption that there is no god, just as Christians are working form the assumption that there is one.

Poltergeist

Just saw this movie tonight on Turner Classic Movies. (I would so die without that channel.) It was pretty good, but I have just one question: Why was that family so goddamn stupid?

In the beginning, when the tree is eating their son, the parents run outside to save him. Leaving the little girl all by herself. Of course, this is when she gets sucked into the closet. Why would you leave a little girl alone at a time like that? There is a man-eating tree outside. I guess they were more worried about their son.

After they rescue said son from the Tree of Death, they return to the kids' room to find the little girl missing. (She done got ate by the closet while you were ignoring her, dumbfucks.) So they immediately shift all their attention to their missing daughter, completely neglecting their poor son who is covered in blood, mud, and twigs. He is left to stand in his room, alone, while the rest of the family runs madly through the house looking for Younger Daughter. I guess they were trying to make up for when they ignored her and she got ate by the closet.

Jump forward to the end of the movie. They have rescued Younger Daughter from the red gelatin-filled hell that is her closet. They have packed their things and are prepared to move. They have let their guard down. Of course they have let their guard down, they are a family of idiots. If they were not idiots, they would've got the fuck out of that house when they got their daughter back. But no. Family Dumbshit believes everything is okee-dokee on the home front. But then! (You will be shocked to hear this.) It turns out, the demon thing wasn't really gone! It tries to eat Younger Daughter and the boy. The Mother just barely manages to save them, after her bath.

Meanwhile, the Father, who was away with the guy whose bright idea it was to build on top of some graves (why not?), arrives home to see a tremendous light spewing from an upstairs window of his house. He stands there, in the street, gaping at it for a few moments. He takes a few steps forward. He stops and gawks a little more. Forward. Gawk. Forward. Finally, he sprints to the front door, only to find it blocked by a corpse in a coffin. This is one of the dead guys pissed off about the house on his grave. So these dead guys start popping up everywhere, and instead of trying to save his family, whad does Father do? He runs up to Jerkwad Who Builds Over Graves, grabs his collar, and shouts in his face, "This is your fault!" This was infinitely helpful to his family's plight.

Eventually, they get the hint and get the fuck out of there. Eventually. Overall, it was a good movie. I really liked the medium. She was badass. The stupidity of the family was delightfully frustrating. I gives it a B+.

Live-action what now?

I found out this week about the Hollywood adaptatioins of DragonBall Z and Akira. My reactions: mixed.

Now, I own the first volume of the Akira manga, and I treasure it dearly. I've also seen the movie, which was pretty good, though a two-hour movie is hardly enough to do a six-volume series justice. I'm hoping these two movies, produced by Leonardo DiCaprio, will get more of the story in. One of my qualms, though, is that the setting is New Manhattan, not Neo Tokyo. I'm not a fan of westernizing things like that. Though I guess, for it to be accessible to an American audience, there can't be too many slanty eyes. Which totally explains the success of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and the like. Are there really so little English-speaking Japanese actors out there that they had to change the setting to New York?

The DragonBall Z movie, though. Oh, man. This is going to suck hardcore. For one, the show sucks hardcore. The story is a generic quest with a villain-of-the-week plot. The main character is an unstoppable musclebound machine with the personality of a toaster. No, scratch that. My toaster and I actually have some lively conversations about toast. All Goku cares about is SAVING PEOPLE and GETTING STRONGER. And, of course, the balls.

I'll still watch it, though.

So. I've got two movies born on the trailing end of the "let's make movies based on comic books" trend, and one movie in the "let's make movies based on old cartoons" trend, a trend which really should have died after the first Scooby Doo live-action disaster. Why the hell can't people just write their own shit?